As if it wasn’t already clear that Danny Ainge and the captain of the Titanic are distant cousins, we now have reports that the Boston Celtics are aggressively pursuing Chris Paul -- and they’re willing to trade Rajon Rondo to get him. In other words, further proof that a lunatic can convince lots of people he’s a serious person with serious answers if he’s wearing a serious suit. Ainge -- the “before” version of Charlie from ‘Flowers for Algernon’ -- not only managed to land the job of President of Basketball Operations for the most successful team in the history of the NBA, but he has somehow defied the rules of logic as I’ve come to understand them and keep his job. I’d rather have Mac and Charlie from ‘It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia’ step-in and take a crack at figuring out what to do with the Boston Celtics.
I don’t want this to be misinterpreted as an anti-Chris Paul article. I love Chris Paul, he’s a fantastic player. He’s absolutely one of the five best players in the league, and he’s someone you want controlling your offense. He doesn’t even need his name on the All-Star ballot anymore because he’s a no-brainer for the starting point guard position out West, and he deserves that respect. He’s a winner, and almost certainly a future champion. When it comes to Chris Paul, I’m a fan.
I wrote an article a few weeks ago called “Tyler Seguin: Becoming the Greatest,” which was an all-around collection of quintessential theory and criticism pertaining to all the Boston teams, which of course ended with a heap of praise for Seguin and the Bruins. In the article, I spent a good chunk of time dealing with the issues of the Celtics -- which started with Ainge stripping away virtually every player that helped us win the title in ‘08; Leon the Professional, TA, Scal, J-Po, House, Perk, they’re all figments of the imagination now. They’ll never have their jerseys retired at the Garden, and only those who witnessed the beauty of that Championship team will remember the names of those great Celtics. I also discussed the height of insanity reached last year when Danny Ainge used Ray Allen as trade fodder, leading Allen to post a FaceBook sigh of relief after the deadline passed, telling the fans that he was “still green.” Since the title year, Danny Ainge has, for some unknown reason, completely dismantled this team and left it completely unrecognizable -- to the point where even the pitiful Chicago Bulls are now considered a bigger threat than the Celtics in the Eastern Conference, and the Miami Heat are considered the favorites to reach the Finals this year. This is shameful, shameful stuff. This fall from grace is epic, tragic, and brutal. Thank you, Danny Ainge.
The Celtics are loaded with problems. The absence of Eddie House leaves the team without anyone who can provide instant offense off the bench. The absence of Posey leaves the team without its second best defender behind KG. The absence of Scal leaves the team without that burst of energy they almost always need to win important games. The absence of Powe and TA leaves the team without the muscle and grit coming off the bench and maintaining the lead that the starters built-up. Powe and TA were an unbelievable source of power for the Boston Celtics. Unsung heroes. They were street-toughs with incredibly high Basketball IQ’s. Posey is arguably one of the five smartest players I’ve ever seen play the game. Posey and Tony Allen were the two most athletic players on the ‘08 Celtics team. Where are they now? Poof, vanished, disappeared. And Perkins, well, his contribution to the team should go without saying. All of those guys are gone, and the holes they left have yet to be filled. And that’s why we haven’t won a championship in three years. Allen, Pierce, and KG are historic Celtics figures destined to have their jerseys retired at the Garden, but their years are slipping away, and soon there will be three more holes and three more reasons why we aren’t winning.
The only -- I repeat, ONLY -- bright spot for our future is our Point Guard. We are lacking at every single position except for the One Spot. Rondo’s a Celtic the way Brady’s a Patriot; they were both rookies in Boston, and they both became Champions in Boston. They were amateurs in Boston, and they became masters of their crafts in Boston. They were perceived as liabilities in Boston, and then they became the reason why Boston was winning. And they both manage to get better with each passing year. Rajon Rondo is the reason the Celtics have gotten as far as they have over the last three years. He’s the only player on the current roster who adds to his skill level each season. He’s the only player that shows up at the start of every basketball year with new tricks up his sleeve, a higher and more disciplined IQ, and a more ravenous hunger to win -- dislocated shoulders and all. He’s the only player on the Boston Celtics capable of leading the team into the future, and leading them to banners. He’s young, agile, versatile, strong, fearless, and wise beyond his years. He’s also the most popular player on the Celtics. Fans worship him. We love him. Paul Pierce is the heart and soul of the Celtics...in theory. But those who know...well, we know. It’s all about #9.
So of course Danny Ainge wants to get rid of him. I mean, why not? Danny is, after all, the Fredo Corleone of Boston. Complete the cycle of madness, Danny. Do it. Don’t let anyone of reason try and stop you. You’ve doused the organization in kerosene, now all you need are the matches. Danny, I will send you the matches. Let’s just get it over with. Screw what Michael and Sonny are telling you -- they’re just jealous! You’re the smartest son! You’re the strongest! You have the best ideas! Of course you should be the Godfather! Of course you’re the most qualified man in the room! So do it! Burn it to the ground! Nevermind that Marc Gasol is a free agent who would perfectly fill the Perkins void and be an all-star Center of strength and grace for our organization. I mean, why would you go after Marc Gasol? We need him, so of course you wouldn’t. Burn it all to the ground! And nevermind that Samuel Dalembert is a versatile free agent who is just waiting for the right system to expose the gold inside him. Also nevermind that arguably the best defender in the NBA, Shane Battier, is also a free agent. Burn it! Torch it! Scorch it! Also, Danny, please pay no attention to the fact that the most underrated player in the league, Jamal Crawford, is a free agent. Pay no attention to the fact that Crawford is like James Posey 2.0; he plays D like Battier and hits 3’s like Reggie Miller. He may go down as the best 6th man in history. In a Celtics jersey, he’d be a riddle that the Heat and the Lakers would not be able to solve. He’s a perfect specimen of basketball brilliance with an IQ off the charts and the skill to match. He provides every intangible that the Celtics need to win an 18th banner. So definitely pay no attention to him, Danny. You just focus on getting rid of Rondo. All of Boston is behind you.
